Kid talk round 1

SO, I have decided that I should keep a list of some of the things that kids have said to me:
Round one:

Little R,
So in my kids grief group we were talking about how things change, and I was using the moon for an example, and talking about the different shapes ( crescent, half etc...) and little 4.5 year old R, stopped me and she said that the moon is round all the time! It is just the shadow that is different that makes it look like a different shape.
I just sat there and looked at her, she had shown me up!!!

Hello over there...

Dear Heather,

Thank you so much for hanging out with me yesterday. I love snuggling with you. And thank you for the cool nike shoes. I know my mom never would have bought me those and now I will be the coolest kid in the nursery at church.

You are the best!

Elijah

Its been a while

Yes, It has been a while and I have many posts running through my head, however they are not as fun with out pictures.... so I am going to have a blog expert aka my friend Ali try and see why I cannot post pic, so stay tunned!

3 more days!

So this time each season, I get really excited for the final rose to be given out on the Bachelor or Bachelorette. This season is no different.
Brad is the bachelor of choice this go around ( and really frustrated why I cant get pictures on here!)

My pick is Emily, but rumor has it that Chantal is the one who he chooses. So we will see!!!

didn't think it would be so hard

So this past weekend, I was able to head back to NE and witness the wedding of AshLea and Tate. I used to babysit/nanny for Ash and her younger siblings, so it was crazy to see how grown up she was and what a beautiful young woman she has become.

As soon as the doors opened and she began to walk down the isle with her father, the tears started and they would not stop. I am sure the older couple beside me were wondering what on earth was going on..... but it hit me right then and there, that I would never get that. I would never be able to hold my dads arm and walk down the isle at my wedding.

I know that my father will be there with me in spirit that day, but it is just another thing that I feel I have been robbed of.

Happy eh Valentines Day?

So why do we have to listen to Hallmark when they tell us to make today the day we profess our love for each other? Why today? Why not June 3 or September 7? Why Feb 14th? Why are we encouraged to just say it one day, why not the rest of the year.

I have always hated Valentines day, even when I was younger, I would get excited to see what mom and dad had gotten me for Valentines day, but it wasnt the one day out of the year they told me they loved me... they told me a lot.

In my college years I delivered flowers on V-day to random strangers, and the looks on their faces made me smile....... a tiny bit. They were so happy, as they were anxious to look at the card, I stood there in the door and would think to myself " duh its from your special someone, the person who has chosen today to profess their love to you". Why else would you be getting flowers on Valentines day?

And now that I am single and in my 30's I still hate valentines day. In fact I practically refuse to go down the direction in Wal-Mart where all the decorations are, ick! Even when I was in a relationship, I made it a point to tell them that I dont like Valentines day and that we should not just use that day to celebrate each other, but the rest of the year.

So this year, I am working and then playing volleyball, yes I will come home to watch the Bachelor where the girls on there will profess their love, but I will jsut laugh as it never works out.

I had a great wknd in the mountains with some dear friends, and we had a nice Steak dinner with some drinks to celebrate. ( I found 120$ so that was a good treat for us all).

Happy Valentines day to you all! Even if you love today, I still love ya.

From Darkness to Light

Darkness to Light… My story in a letter of thanks to everyone who helped my family and I get through the first 2 months without my father.

Our tragedy crashed into our lives and brought all to a screeching halt. The holiday's were approaching, but we were paralyzed. In my house, there were no decorations except for a snowman in his winter attire that perched on the back of the couch. The few presents I bought were wrapped but placed in a box, the annual ugly Christmas sweater party went unplanned, no holiday parties were attended, no cookies were baked, and the house was thick with layers of extraordinary sadness.

But then light came flooding in, in the shape of random acts of kindness. Angels came in all forms of tenderness and support showering compassion and hope upon us. The beauty of it has left us truly breathless and helped us to gather the pieces of our broken hearts, so that they can begin to mend. We have been awash in the love of friends; some lifelong and familial, some merely acquaintances, some absolutely new. Yet, the common chord that rang true throughout was that the human heart is large and humanity, lovely indeed. It is empathetic and bleeds for others who are hurting. It yearns to provide comfort and help carry the heaviest loads. It is self sacrificing and gives freely and creatively. This is the magical gift you blessed us with at our darkest hour; The renewed belief that love wins out.

We have the most sincere gratitude for these generous acts to which you so thoughtfully contributed; from flowers to photos, quilts to casseroles. We thank you so kindly for the heartfelt donations, the gift cards and meals, the memorial planning, preparation, attendance, the travel and time, the amazing words and tender memories shared that will remind us of my dad’s spirit to warm us and carry us through our heart’s dark winter with a blanket crocheted from authentic grace.

I am so grateful to have had you show outwardly how my dad has touched your life, I am also so happy to be able to have witnessed and feel firsthand what good friends and family are, what true love looks like, what makes God smile and say “job well done.” You have been that to our family and our hearts are full of awed gratitude for the outpouring of genuine benevolence you have given during this time. We are truly humbled.

Thank you from our hearts
Heather and Family

The check marks......

Christmas morning, I felt a huge sigh of relief that the holidays were almost over. I know that's not what I should be thinking or how I should be feeling on Christmas morning, but the truth is, I just couldn't wait for it to be over.

It became exhausting trying to avoid the holiday c​o​n​v​e​r​s​a​t​i​o​n​s and trying to be pleasant for others when really, I have been bitter, angry, sad and jealous. Yes, jealous. I'm jealous that so many get to celebrate their holiday with their whole family. I'm jealous that their biggest worries were what to buy or what to cook. I really just wanted to scream to so many people how lucky they are. But that's not fair to them that they've been blessed with healthy (and living fathers).

But, we have all made it through the first year of holidays, and we simply put a check mark on it, and wait for the next thing/holiday to come, so we can check it off..... it simply is only a check mark.

Happy New Year!

Well, since its January 3, 2011 and my last post was in September 2010, its about time to post.

A LOT has happened in 2010, and I am not going to mention them, but instead concentrate on 2011 and making it the best year.

SO here is to 2011~!!!

Happy Bday to my nephew Rowen

The 8th of Sept, my nephew Rowen turned 1. Although he was not feeling the best, we had fun. We went with grandpa to North Platte for his treatment, then we went to the park and ran ran ran! We saw some elk, deer, geese and a peacock.
My sis in law ( Rowens momma) made some Mexican food for dinner, and Rowen ate all the black olives off first then dipped them in the sour cream before eating the rest of the dinner.
Then we sang Happy Bday to him, and let him blow out his candle on the cupcake. Then he began to smash.... it was not as big of a mess as I had thought it was going to be, he didnt like his hands all messy. So he got a quick bath.
It was a fun day with him.
Oh Rowen how you are loved.
** I still cant load post pic sorry, anybody else having this issue?

GO Huskers!

On Sept 11, 2010
I as well as my parents, sister, aunt, uncle and cousin went had our moment of silence remembering 9 years ago, at the HUSKER Stadium in Lincoln, NE. We were there for the football game watching NE pound South Dakota State.

This was my mom and my sister's first game~! My dad had been back in the 70's, and I a few times in college. But we were able to spend time together as a family and that is what was important. It was a perfect sunny day with a slight breeze.

***Not sure why I cant do pic anymore, I will have to ask my blogger friend why... cuz I know these posts are not as fun w/o pic!

Fair...the tough lesson

My 11 year old niece has been doing 4-H for quite a while, but not until last year did she begin to show animals. She at first did sheep and pig. Last year she received a purple ribbon on her pig Steve. Well, when it came down to saying "goodbye". She began to have a breakdown, so my lovely brother told her that the pig was going to live on a pig farm in Colorado with me. HUMMM.......luckily for me she has been so busy with other things she has never asked! Thank God, however.... that was Thanksgiving dinner... she still does not know.

So this year so showed her sheep, pig and added a steer. She did great with the sheep and the steer, and the pig too ( even tho that is not her favorite, she has a pig named mabyleine as she looks like she has eyeliner on hehe), she got ribbons of all colors with these animals. And is actually taking her sheep (champ) to state fair. But since this was her first year with the steer, my brother encouraged her to spend more time with the steer whom she names Bubbs, and get to know him. She was supposed to massage him, talk to him, brush him etc... as well as all the normal things you do to get your steer ready for show.

The day finally arrived where she was able to show off her hard work with all the animals, but she was especially excited about Bubbs. He eventually got her a purple ribbon! ( that is the best you can get), she was overly excited!
However, the truck game later that day to load all the cattle including hers to be taken to the "PLACE" I wont even say the word, as it breaks my heart to type it. And poor Jasmine lost it. She was laying on Bubbs, rubbing his face and crying as hard as I have ever seen her cry. She was honestly told this time around where he was going. I was trying to hold back the tears too, and tried to tell her that he is going to help some kids who need to eat, so they wont starve... and let me tell you that was the wrong thing to say! The crying got more intense as she told me, "I dont care!!" over and over again. Eventually she was pulled off Bubbs and we walked away. NOT looking back.

Lessons like this are tough to learn, and it was breaking my heart all over again for her. I think she is fine now, but we will see if she wants to show a steer next year or not!

**** I am having a hard time getting pictures to attach to the entrys, so I will work on a pic of Jasmine and Bubbs

Ice Cream Truck.....

My friend has a couple Ice Cream trucks, and last week, I was fortunate to be able to work in it on a Sunday afternoon. I honestly have never bought from an Ice Cream truck, so was not really sure what to expect..... oh goodness! They are busy! I was kinda like a kid in a candy store in being all excited and pointing to this and that, and not being able to make up their minds. When they finally did make up their minds... they would hand me a penny. Well, unfortunately you cant get anything on the truck for a penny. So, I gave in and bought them all am otter pop ( they were a dime a piece.) So, I realized that I could never make it in the ice cream truck world, I feel to sorry for the kiddos that don't have any money to buy it, and I would spend all my earnings buying for those kids.

It was a fun afternoon, and I was a sticky mess from the snow cones, but over all I would love to do it again sometime!

bittersweet again.....

So remember the kiddo named Ry I was telling you about a couple months ago? Tonight I had dinner with his mom and this is what she shared with me....


Someone gave me a scenario the other day that helps describe how we feel. What if your father beat you half to death one day and then the very next day, wanted to be father of the year? How would you, as a child, feel about a man that tortured you one minute and told you he loved you the next? That is how we feel about God these days. The Bible says to honor thy father and thy mother, it does not say honor them only if they don't beat you, they don't molest you, they don't treat you any better then they would an animal. I am sure if you were beat physically and verbally by your mother every day of your life, if you were molested by your father every single day of your childhood, you would not be so ready to forgive and let by-gones be by-gones. That is how we feel about God these days. No, we don't go out and curse him, we don't physically shake our fist towards the sky. We just don't chose to praise him daily and we don't go worship him at his home. And we think God is okay with that, after all, he knew how we would feel when we lost Ry, he knew how long it would take for us to come around, to forgive him.

I share that with you as it is pulling at my heart for this family.....

Benefits for living in a small town

So,
Living in a small town for sure has its benefits.

McCook: When I needed my new stickers ( from the DMV) for the jeep, I just call them up, give them my visa number and they mail me the new ones. Then we chat for a few minutes about the weather out here in CO and how life is going.

Colorado Springs: You plan to spend at least 2 hours at the DMV, you walk in to a room packed full and not enough chairs and the one chair that is empty is by a guy who reaks of smoke. You pick a ticket with a number and wait, wait, wait and wait some more for them to call your number.


McCook: ** before online banking was big** I would call up my bank, shoot the breeze about what is happening around town, then ask them to transfer $ from my savings account to my checking account.

Colorado Springs: I have avoided the banks here, and keep everything back home for that reason above....

McCook: Pulling up to the drive thru to get a coffee for my sis in law and a smoothie for me. The person behind the window: ( usually a HS friend) "Hi Heather, are you back for a visit?" Me, "yep." Window girl..." good to see ya again, do you need anything else today or the same?" Me, "the same would be great"

Colorado Springs: There is no window girl, you sit for 15 minutes in line for a speaker to ask what you want.

McCook: You plan an extra half hour in Wal-Mart b/c you know you will see someone and you'll find yourself chatting in the frozen food section.

Colorado Springs: You get in and you get out! You avoid the ghetto Wal-Mart at all cost!

hummmmm, do you see a pattern here about small town friendliness? :)

wow its been a while

When I logged on here tonight, I looked at the date of my last entry and it has been well over a month..... sorry. But so much has happened in the past month, I am not even sure where to begin.
How about with.......... my dad has cancer and it is not good the dr's are saying its terminal..... so hows that for an open entry?
To those of you who I have already talked to... thanks for your continued support. It will be a long road, but its just another thing that has been thrown at my family. It seems were used to things like that happening, we just cant catch a break. I will try to post here on how things are going, but in the mean time if you can remember us in your prayers that would be great. thanks

She will be missed.......................

So today upon opening my Yahoo email, I saw that Blanche from the Golden Girls has passed away at the age of 76. I have to admit that I can sit and watch re-runs all day of that show! No matter what type of mood I was in, I would find myself laughing at some point, and more than likely it was something that she had said.

It reports she passed from a stroke. She is a breast cancer survivor as well as a having a heart bypass.

She will be missed........

Update

We did win the volleyball game :) in 2 sets!
Then Tue night I switched over to softball.... a little rusty we all were... we lost. BUT I think we got the kinks out and we should be good for the rest of the season.

I have to say I was a bit unimpressed with Alis choice of men that ABC has chosen for her. Oh well we will see what happens, it looks like a lot of drama from the previews, but when is there not added drama on the show? I did watch a 20- 20 eposide a while back and the producer of the show was on there and said the purposefully cast villians...GOODNESS! I am guessing that Justin is the villian this season. My favorite grabs this far are: Roberto and Chris L. We will see!

Today is gonna be a great day!

I am super excited for today.......
I am meeting a good friend for lunch that I have not seen in a while.
Then watching the season kick off of












The debut of Ali Fedotowsky's season of "The Bachelorette" !


and then our championship volleyball game at 9!!!

Amazing Ryan

Below is a conversation I had with my amazing 10 year old buddy Ryan. He was diagnoised with a rare form of Cancer in 2007 and has fought hard this whole time, getting into remission 2x, but this last time..... it was throughout his body. His brain, his lungs, his spine and random other places. He was a brave soul, and I went up Tue night say goodbye to him, and this was our conversation! Trust me when I say that this was a conversation that is not typical for a 10 year old boy, but for Ry his faith was evident the whole time I knew him.

"I feel like," Ry said, "if this is a war, than we've already lost the war. But that's okay, cuz we've already won it two times. I'm not afraid anymore."

"Ok, Ry, but what's that mean?" I asked.

"Cancer. We've lost the war against cancer."

"Right. But what does that mean for you, Buddy?"

"Heaven."

"That's right, Buddy. And it's just like stepping through the door to go outside. You'll just step through the door when it is your time, and you'll be in Jesus' arms."

[My voice broke before I could complete that thought.]

and then we began to play the Wii, it took all his energy to drive the race car..... but he won :)

This morning, Ry made that step through the door..... He is now in Heaven. We are all sad here, but Heaven is rejoicing!
Rest in peace Buddy!